Me On Craigslist?

Names etc. have been changed. ~

I’m at the graduation for the high school where I teach, and a girl I’ve never met approaches me asking, “Are you the Latin teacher?” as though I were the one and only.

“Yes. Yes I am.” I make the mistake of giving her my name and age (24). I immediately forget hers. We shake hands.

“Did you graduate today?” I ask thinking that this might be a student from the school, being that she is carrying a diploma and cap and gown.

“No. My sister graduated today. This is her stuff.” She shifts topics. “Do you drink?” I can only assume she means alcohol. No liquid equals death.

I confirm her age. She’s twenty two. “Sometimes,” I reply. “I’m not stupid about it though.”

“You should go to [a disgusting local bar],” she states, assuming that I want overpriced alcohol in a crappy location in a just as crappy atmosphere.

“Do you work there?” I ask.

“No. It’s just a lot of fun.” It takes me this long to realize that I am being hit on. To make matters worse, I am being hit on by a sister of a student at my school.

I escape this conversation with no bruises or gashes. Situation over. Story over.

Maybe not…

A week later, I receive the following email from a student named Nikky C (I don’t teach a Nikky C):

“I think someone put up a craiglist post up about you. Check it out…and no this ain’t spam. It’s for real!”

Yes, she used the word “ain’t”, and there was a link to the Craigslist post. The post read:

Westgate Latin Teacher - w4m - 24 (Lakeland Assembly)

J, I had been eyeing you before, during, and after graduation. I finally worked up
the nerve to introduce myself. You probably thought I was a ditz for some of the things I
said. I think it must have been the heat and humidity, also just you speaking to me got me
tongue tied. Anyways, school is almost over and I’d like the chance to get to know you.

-S

This is too hilarious to not break down into parts. I will address each section:

Westgate Latin Teacher (where I teach and what) – w4m (women for men) – 24 (my age) Lakeland Assembly (location of the graduation)

J (first letter of my name), I had been eyeing you before, during, and after graduation. (that’s weird) I finally worked up the nerve to introduce myself. (I wish that you hadn’t) You probably thought I was a ditz for some of the things I said. (not a ditz, just stupid) I think it must have been the heat and humidity (yeah, or something), also just you speaking to me got me tongue tied. (it should not have) Anyways, school is almost over and I’d like the chance to get to know you. (I’d like just the opposite)

-S (first letter of her name?)

Incredible. Some weirdo watches me at graduation, then approaches me then puts an ad on the internet about me on the off chance that I would be searching through personal ads on Craigslist under the heading of my school’s name. Finally, a student at my school whom I’ve never met finds this internet ad and let’s me know about it.

It sounds like the weirdo at graduation and the student from my school who found the ad were in cahoots. What an elaborately dumb plan. At least, Craigslist takes posts off after seven days or something, and I never had to hear from her again.